Every Conversation and Every Picture

Who is she? I find myself rolling this question around in my head a lot more these days.

It just feels like that time of my life. Every week I hear about another friend getting the 'pregnant' news or getting married. (And it's always the ones you'd least expect.) But here just over six years from thirty I sit comfortably, seemingly decades away from supporting an entire family.

My friend Gary used to tell me that you could convince a woman to do anything if you just shrug your shoulders and turn up the palm of your hands when you ask them. And give a "C'mon." And in certain cases a wink will help put you over the top. At the time I thought it was just more drunk Irish talk, but I'm starting to wonder if that's how he proposed to his wife.

To me being in a relationship has always been like living in a small town. After too long I want to get out of town more than anything, turning my wheels towards the horizon never looking in the rear view mirror. BUT, (Cue Sir Mix Alot because that's a big but), after I've been gone for awhile I tend to get a little homesick from time to time and envision myself driving back to town at midnight, Thin Lizzy's Greatest Hits blaring over the sleeping countryside. And again...but, after being inside the city limits for a few days I quickly remember why I wanted to get the fuck out of there. There's no fireworks allowed within the city limits, always just outside of town.

But one day I'll pull into town, park my car in the driveway and never leave. Never again feeling the wind of freedom in my hair or hearing the true volume of rock n' roll. And she'll be there.....

She'll be there through every conversation and every picture. Kinda weird. But we'll just call it Friday night.

Today there is a gaping hole. Most days pass without registering a memory. I don't want to give the impression that its a bad feeling because its not. I've appreciated the opportunities I have to smoke all day, gamble and never miss a Cowboys game or Red Sox game. And I appreciate them more every time I have a conversation with a married friend. It has been great really.

But it would be nice to finally meet her. Whoever, wherever, whenever she is. All I really ask for is mental stability and literacy. But in a dream situation it'd be a smart brunette arguing about politics at the bar, singing backing vocals from the audience. A music junkie who doesn't mind watching football and hearing me talk way too much about Roger Staubach. Sweet, but with a bite. Like the girl in high school who smoked marlboro reds and joints out in the parking with the seniors. And most of all I guess she'll need an amazing ability to put up with me.